Busted
by Adven277
Summary: Cloud's having issues.


**Author's Note: ****Sorry, my mind was going bonkers.**

**Disclaimer: ****As much as I'd like it, I don't own FF7. *sob***

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"Cloud! Where have you been? You've been gone for almost a month!"

He scratched his head. He had to be prepared to explain since he knew that this was going to be long. The warrior took a deep breath and recollected his thoughts as he tried to structure his sentences in a way that Tifa, his childhood friend, could understand.

Her foot was tapping in a steady beat, which made him all the more nervous. Holding his breath, he started.

"I was on a journey."

Her brown eyes shot a confused stare. "Journey?" She managed, but she was still skeptical. She ran her hands through her dark auburn hair that crawled up to her waist.

"I was summoned by the goddess of harmony, Cosmos, to end the eternal conflict with Chaos, the god of discord." Gritting his teeth, he probably sounded stupid. He signaled for her to sit down, since this was going to take a while.

Still scratching his head, he continued.

"I met a lot of people, a nameless warrior that was too serious for his own good, Firion, who was dramatically obsessed with red roses, a little smart-ass squirt who also didn't have a name."

He was getting the hang of this, he thought.

"There's also this guy who has an extreme brother complex, his name was Cecil, I think. He has this manner of speaking that was so formal that it was creepy. I can't really picture him speaking in slang. Oh, and there was this girl named Terra who always got out of control, guess puberty was too much for her, she was always with the smart-ass squirt. I think she likes younger boys as well."

Tifa sat in disbelief. "And then?"

"Yeah… err… there was this guy who was a bit like me, except that he didn't have the entire obsessing-over-the-dead thing going. He called himself Squall. He's kind of… hard to get along with. He's a bit cheesy, if you ask me."

The young barmaid tried to hide her chuckle. She motioned for him to go on.

"Then there were two cheerful idiots fighting over damn treasures, the one with the tail was Zidane, which actually suited him since he acts like a fucked up monkey. And as the saying goes, monkey-see-monkey-do, Bartz, the copycat was always with him. He even copied my Omnislash exclusive only for me! Tidus was also an idiot, for all I know; he has issues with his old man. Turns out he just wanted an 'ol pat in the back from dear old daddy." He said as he made a mocking face, recalling what had happened for the past month.

The young warrior was getting heated up, to the woman's surprise, but it takes more than that if he plans to make her believe all the crap he's telling her now.

"So now, out of nowhere, this goddess freakin' bosses us around and tells us what to do. She made us fight damn battles and what happens? She effin' dies! She also made us get our crystals saying that we were the world's only hope and that it all lies in our hands and yadda yadda yadda."

Cloud was waving his hands around, another gesture that Tifa had never before seen him do. Apparently, her closest friend never talked about anything with this kind of passion before, and it made her wonder if everything he had told her was a sick dream.

"…which I won, so now they're telling me that the eternal conflict has ended. And without even giving us something to compensate for all the damn things we've unwillingly done for her, she freakin' kicks us out of their world! That's when I found myself in front of the Seventh Heaven bar again."

Tifa stood up, clearly skeptical of the whole story.

"Cloud…"

"Hmm?"

"So, you're telling me, that you were summoned into an unknown world by a goddess, met a lot of strange people, got dragged into this eternal conflict that you speak of, gained your so-called crystal and defeated the god of discord?" She recollected, surprised at herself that she could even remember enough to summarize the whole story.

He gave a small nod; the bartender gave him an all too knowing look.

"Cloud, have you been taking Viagra again?"

Busted.


End file.
